it's funny how little time it takes to make your life a rollercoaster ride and you're just sitting there barely strapped waiting for the moment when screams fill your lungs but you just can't release it because you realize that you're alone and that you'll never know when it's gonna end and it scares the shit out of you.


well, yea. you get the picture.


i always thought that my family's crayzey. but they just exceed my expectations in the most unexpected time. i won't say that i'm not contributing to the madness. i know that i bring half of it on the table. but hey, i'm still young, i'm carefree, i can justify my actions and say that i'm misunderstood. i have all the right to be strange. oldies, on the other hand, are...well...old. so when they beat me in the crazy meter i go loco. well because when they beat me, i really lose big time.


it'll take some time before it finally sinks in. it's cool i guess. and i think i'm kinda loving this horrific set-up.




dark knight is love.

no.

actually, HEATH LEDGER is love.


thank you Mr. Ledger for leaving us with an unforgettable performance. you've made Joker a legend. you've set a standard and posed a challenge to the makers of the next batman vs joker film. they will go through hell and won't even come close. what you did in dark knight was inimitable.






i just have to say this, batman's voice is annoying.

sleep-deprived.



i've been drowning myself in booze and tears.
i can't stay anywhere alone. i fall into pieces.

i didn't do it just so i can have the time of my life.

i need this. we both need this.

and in the end, if i'm wrong, i'll go through shit over and over again just to have you back.



i miss you. badly.

hindi ko akalain na yun na pala ang huli.

kailangan natin to. kailangan ko to. kailangan mahanap ko uli ang sarili ko.


alam ko nahihirapan ka at kinakailangan mo magalit o umiwas. naiintindihan ko. pero sana alam mo na mahirap din para sa akin to.


hindi ko alam kung ano ang mangyayari sa mga susunod na mga araw at hindi ko alam kung paano lalagpasan. sabi nga nila, kapit lang.

may dahilan ito. at gusto kong isipin na maganda ang kakalabasan.



mahal kita higit pa sa buhay ko. aayusin ko to.

gusto ko mahanap ang sarili ko. gusto kong maging buo muli ng ako lang dahil gusto ko na buong buo kong ibibigay ang sarili ko sayo sa susunod.


hindi muna tayo mag-uusap. hindi tayo magkikita.


sana mahintay mo ko.

well

its quite surprising when someone from the past suddenly appears on your monitor screen, asking you to be her friend.

every memory we shared together rushed through my head, each flashing rapidly, one after the other. some were happy, most were the bitter, painful moments that i went through. i tried so hard to disconnect myself from the circle that we once shared. i refused everything that will keep us in contact. for six years i grew in hatred. for six years i kept her out of my life. and i was fine. i am fine. i know that i turned my back on her for a legit reason. no one can put the blame on me.

i was a click away from forgiveness..or at least the first step to that.

thinking

thinking

thinking


consulting

more thinking
.
.
.
.
.

this must be what they call closure.

hmm.

saturday night. i received this message from a friend asking me if i will be going to this other friend's house. i asked when, she replied that she was on her way there right that very minute. i haven't received an invite and so i was wondering if it was a spur of the moment shit or she really asked her to come over and forgot about me.

i texted her, asking her why.

she replied.
and her answer was not enough.

if it was supposed to be an invitation for both of us, she could've messaged me instead of her. why me? oh i don't know. maybe because i introduced them to each other? 

maybe i am making a big deal out of this. yeah.

but it hurt. and hurting still.

experimental shiz over.

salamat sa aking partner na si pedro sa pakikipag live-in sa akin ng apat na araw para matapos ang installation. namiss ko naman ang veganda days! :)



sa lahat ng tumulong, nagpalakas ng loob, nambola, nanggulo, nakikain at nagpasakit ng aming mga ulo, salamat. :)

ganito pala sa DFA. haha.

woke up at around 4:30am. prepared readings for comm 120. took a cab. rode the mrt. took another cab. rented a chair. read cases. fell asleep. took a leak. found a computer shop. typing.

din's processing her papers for her china trip on the 23rd. i can't let her travel to this hellhole alone so i had to bring my readings and study here while waiting for her. it's fine. it's 9am and i'm inside a cramped internet shop with all the boys in navy uniform. haha. this will definitely be a fantasy for some. haha.

see you in a bit peter ranter. let's make christmas wishes come true.

i can hardly wait for comm120 to be over. rarrr.

01.)What's worse - A one night stand
or a bad relationship?
- a one-night stand. haha.

02.) Is it easier to forgive or forget?
- forget.

03.) Can men and women be just friends?
- yes.

04.) Dating co-workers ...
- dating? hmm. haha. no.

05.) All expenses paid vacation to
where?
- Italy

06.) On the way to the electric chair -
what's your last meal?
- pizza and pasta. im good with that.

07.) At the water park..?
-

08.) When you are in love do you
notice other people?
- i still admire other people. admire.

09.) Is flirting cheating?
- hmm..depends. haha.

10.) Would you rather have 1 great
friend or 5 pals?
- one great friend

11.) If someone called you an asshole
would you be offended?
- hmm. no. i am an asshole. haha.

12.) Would you be ok with your
significant other being friends with
other guys/girls?
- of course.

13.) Would you live with someone
without marrying them?
- wtf? of course!

15.) Is toilet paper hung over or
under?
- over.

16.) Do you squeeze toothpaste from
the middle or the end?
- middle.

18.) Friends with benefits?
- sure. haha. as long as it's not sexual. haha.

19.) Do you believe in angels?
- hmm..i think i stopped believing in angels.

21.) Have you ever flirted with
someone you had no interest in?
- well. deadmama. haha.

22.) Ever kissed a random person and
then walked away?
- nope.

23.) Would you buy bootleg merchandise?
- nope.

24.) Is it ever ok to ask out your
ex's best friend?
- why not? haha.

25.) If you could play any sport
professionally, what would it be?
- lawn tennis.

26. Ever break up with someone and
regret it?
- yup..until the better one comes along. haha.

27.) Are you a jealous person?
- yes.

28.) Would you ever have plastic
surgery?
- no way.

29.) Has Chuck Norris ever come to
your house?
- yeah. he's been here a couple of times.

30.) Who has the sexiest accent?
- Brit.

34.) Are you a beach, country or city
person?
- beach

38.) Where do you spend most of your
money?
- food and gas. haha.

39.) Are you currently working at a
job that you hate?
- nope.

40.) Have you and your friends ever
gotten a piercing at a piercing party?
- piercing party?

41.) Would you ever attend a piercing
party if asked?
- nope.

45.) Would you consider yourself
adventurous?
- hmm. so-so.

47.) Can you shoot pool?
- yep.

48.) Would you sing karaoke in front
of friends?
- naman!

49.) Ever skip school and spent the
day at the beach?
- yeah. way back in high school. haha. skipped grad practice and went straight to quezon.

50.) When you marry, will you wear
black?
- nope. i like pink and yellow. haha. not.

51) Have you ever sat and hoped for a
phone call?
- hell yeah.

52) Did you ever smoke in the bathroom
at school?
- nope. haha.

hey you.








sorry i can't be with you today.
see you soon. i miss you.

bakit ngayon pa?
thesis week e. pucha naman o.

ang sakit. ang kati.

i hatechoo.



:(

everyone's upgrading to dslrs now. i want one. badly. aarrrghhhh.




in due time..in due time.

i'm bored. leave me alone. haha.

1. Could you be in a relationship where
there's no arguing?
- nope. i love arguing. and i love the part that comes after that. :D

2. Ever been in love with 2 people at
the same time?
-

3. Can you remember the best kiss you
ever had and with whom?
- yep.

4. Once a cheater always a cheater?
- well..half true.

5. Does your family get along with who
your dating/bf/gf?
- my mom.

6. Do you care if your family gets
along with the one you love?
-yes

7. Is it too late to tell someone you
love them?
- no. it's never too late, i guess.

8. If you could erase a relationship
that you had,
would you do it?
- no. every single relationship led me to the best.

9. Have you ever hurt the person you
were with intentionally?
- no. never.

10. Would you rather be with the one
who likes what you like or the one who
doesn't?
- both.

11. Are you currently in a good
relationship?
- yes.

13. Is marriage in the future for you?
- haha. i'm not so sure about that.

14. Do you think you have ever let
the "one" get away?
- sweetie, i have the "one" right now.

15. When you see your exes, do you ever
get that feeling?
- haha...what feeling? haha...

17. can you ever just be "friends" with
your exes?
- oo naman.

18. Have you ever thought of someone
else while you were with another?
- dati. :D

19. Have you ever been with someone you
were no longer in love with?
- no.

20. Has your partner ever asked you to
have a threesome?
- no. what is a threesome? hahahahahha.

21. Could you ever be in an "open"
relationship?
- define open.

22. If you liked someone who was with
someone else...would you still let them
know?
- probably. did it before.

23. Are you needy for your partner's
attention?
- yes.

home's not home without you.

6 months of waiting isn't bad.



i miss you mom. =(

Thesis Proposal Defense. Kamon.

pagkatapos ng isang linggong puro kangaragan gawa ng thesis shoot, directing shoot, mock defense, comm 120 at ng lagnat at sipon na kakadating lang, defense na. make or break. win or lose.

So how much are you?

1. Had sex: P40.00

2. Smoked: P40.00

3. drank alcohol: P20.00

4. Went skinny dipping: P40.00

5. Kissed someone of the opposite sex: P4.00

6. Kissed someone of the same sex: P20.00

7. Cheated on a test: P28.00

8. Fell asleep in class: P20.00

9. Been expelled: P40.00

10. Been in a fist fight: P40.00

11. Given oral: P40.00

12. Got oral: P40.00

13. Prank called the police: P40.00

14. Stole something: P40.00

15. Done drugs: P40.00

16.Dyed your hair: P20.00

17. Done something sexually with someone older (like a few years): P40.00.

18. Courted someone OVER 18 (if your under 18): P40.00 Was.

19. Ate a whole bag of oreos: P40.00

20. Cried yourself to sleep: P2.00

21. Said you love someone but didnt mean it: P4.00

22. Been in love: P20.00

23. Got caught doing something that you shouldnt have been doing: P40.00

24. Went streaking: P4.00

25. Got arrested: P40.00

26. Cuddled: P4.00

27. Peed in the pool: P20.00

28. Played spin the bottle: P40.00

29. Done something you regret: P20.00

yes, im bored.

Level 1
(x) smoked a cigarette
(x) smoked a cigar
(x) done weed
(x) drank alcohol

SO FAR: 4

Level 2
(x) been in love
(x) been dumped
(x) shoplifted
( ) been fired
(x) been in a fist fight

SO FAR: 8

Level 3
(x) snuck out of the house
(x) had feelings for someone who didn't have them back
( ) been arrested
( ) made out with a stranger
(x) gone out on a blind date

SO FAR: 11

Level 4
(x) had a crush on an older person
(x) skipped school
(x) slept (not sex) with a co-worker
(x) seen someone/something die...

SO FAR: 15

Level 5
(x) had/have a crush or liked on one of your friends
( ) been to Paris
( ) been to Spain
(x) been on a plane
(x) thrown up from drinking

SO FAR: 18

Level 6
(x) eaten Sushi
( ) been snowboarding
( ) met someone BECAUSE of myspace
( ) been mosh pitting

SO FAR: 19

Level 7
( ) been in an abusive relationship
(x) taken pain killers
(x) love/loved someone who you can’t have
(x) laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by
( )made a snow angel

SO FAR: 22

Level 8
( ) had a tea party
(x) flown a kite
(x) built a sand castle
(x) gone puddle jumping
(x) played dress ups

SO FAR: 26

Level 9
(x) jumped into a pile of leaves
( ) gone sledging
(x) cheated while playing a game
(x) been lonely
(x) fallen asleep at work/school

SO FAR: 30

Level 10
(x) used a fake/someone else's ID
(x) watched the sun set
(x) felt an earthquake
( ) killed a snake

SO FAR: 33

Level 11
(x) been tickled
(x) been robbed/vandalized
(x) robbed someone
(x) been misunderstood
( ) pet a deer

SO FAR: 37

Level 12
(x) won a contest
( ) been suspended from school
(x) had detention
(x) been in a car/motorcycle/4-wheeler accident

SO FAR: 40

Level 13
( ) had/have braces
(x) eaten a whole tub of ice cream in one night
(x) had deja vu
(x) danced in the moonlight

SO FAR: 43

Level 14
(x) hated the way you look
( ) witnessed a crime
( ) pole danced
(x) questioned your heart
(x) been obsessed with post-it notes

SO FAR: 46

Level 15
(x) squished barefoot through the mud
(x) been lost
( ) been to the opposite side of the world
(x) swam in the ocean
(x) felt like you were dying

So FAR: 50

Level 16
(x) cried yourself to sleep
(x) played cops and robbers
(x) recently colored w/crayons/colored pencils/markers
(x) sang karaoke
(x) paid for a meal with only coins

SO FAR: 55

Level 17
(x) done something you told yourself you wouldn't
(x) made prank phone calls
(x) laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose
(x) kissed in the rain

So FAR: 59

Level 18
( ) written a letter to Santa Claus
( ) been kissed under a mistletoe
(x) watched the sun set with someone you care/cared about
(x) blown bubbles
(x) made a bonfire on the beach

So FAR: 62

Level 19
(x) crashed a party
(x) have traveled more than 5 days with a car full of people
(x) gone rollerskating/blading
(x) had a wish come true

SO FAR: 66

Level 20
( ) worn pearls
( ) jumped off a bridge
(x) screamed "you suck" in class
( ) swam with dolphins

SO FAR: 67

Level 22
(x) got your tongue stuck to a freezer/ice cube
( ) kissed a fish
(x) worn the opposite sex’s clothes
(x) sat on a roof top

SO FAR: 70

Level 23
(x) screamed at the top of your lungs
(x) done/attempted a one-handed cartwheel
(x) talked on the phone for more than 5 hours
(x) stayed up all night

SO FAR: 74

Level 24
( ) picked and ate an apple right off the tree
(x) climbed a tree
(x) had/been in a tree house
(x) are scared to watch scary movies alone

SO FAR: 77

Level 25
(x) believe in ghosts
(x) have/had more than 30 pairs of shoes throughout your life
( ) gone streaking
( ) gone to jail

SO FAR: 79

Level 26
(x) played chicken
(x) been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on
( ) been told you're hot by a complete stranger
(x) been easily amused

SO FAR: 82

Level 27
( ) caught a fish then ate it
(x) almost drowned in a pool
(x) caught a butterfly
(x) laughed so hard you cried
(x) cried so hard you laughed

SO FAR: 86

Level 28
( ) mooned/flashed someone
( ) had someone moon/flash you
(x) cheated on a test
(x) forgotten someone's name
(x) slept naked
(x) French braided someone’s hair
( ) gone skinny dipping in a pool
( ) been kicked out of your house

SO FAR: 90

Level 30
(x) rode on a roller coaster
(x) went scuba-diving/snorkeling
(x) had a cavity
(x) Black-mailed someone
(x) been black mailed

SO FAR: 95

Level 31
(x) been used
(x) fell going up the stairs
( ) licked a cat
(x) bitten someone
(x) licked someone

TOTAL: 99


Repost this with:

"I've done __ out of 144 stupid things"

yey. wala na namang pasok bukas. yey.

at least medyo magaan sa pakiramdam na hindi ko makikita si jordabels. yey!

i love bagyo.

ang lamig.

ang ganda ng ulan.

pwede ka mag-emo sa bintana.

at higit sa lahat

walang pasok.

at mas higit pa dun

dumadami ang tubig natin at natutubigan ang mga pananim sa central luzon at ilocos at hindi sila nalulugi at hindi tayo magtatagtuyot.

ano daw?


haha. i love bagyo.


epal lang kanina nasa lto ako. kumukuha ng bagong lisensiya dahil ang tanga tanga ko. tapos nag announce na half day lang sila. epal talaga. babalik pa ko sa tuesday. 
nag drug test ako dun kanina. natakot ako. hahahaha.


i love bagyo. more. more.

taenang buhay to.


lagi na lang malungkot.





minsan hindi ko na alam kung ano ba ginagawa ko. sobrang dami na para namang wala. o ano yun? lokohan lang? niloloko ko lang ang sarili ko?

bakit kailangan may alitan na nagaganap? hindi kita maintindihan. bigyang linaw mo naman yung mga sinabi mo. wala kase akong makitang mali e. pero ikaw meron. o ano yun? saan galing yun?


minsan ang hirap pag bigla mong naramdaman na mag isa ka na lang pala. wala na yung mga kasama mo. yung mga taong akala mo andun lang lagi. 

o baka hindi ko lang sila nakikita?
o baka ayaw ko lang silang pansinin?


leche. ganun na lang ba yun?


tanong. puro tanong lang. pati sagot kailangan patanong.

i
want 
to
go
to
a 
place
where
confusion
is
an
acceptable
state
of
mind.





weh? haha.

i went home early. was able to watch 3 CSI episodes before i was knocked out. didn't do much today. bored. yes. too many movies to watch i just don't have the time. thesis thesis thesis. ganito pala ang feeling. haha.



tomorrow.should.be.fun.